Choose "How" Questions Over "Why" Questions

Why are you stuck?  That's not a very empowering question.  You'll just figure out reasons for why you're stuck.  Instead, ask a question like "how can you move forward?" or "how might you accomplish that?"  The key is to ask "how" questions over "why" questions.  In Unlimited Power : The New Science Of Personal Achievement, Tony Robbins writes about choosing "how" questions over "why" questions.

Choose "How" Questions Over "Why" Questions
Robbins writes that you should choose "how" questions over "why" questions:

Here's another important frame.  Choose "how" questions over "why" questions.  "Why" questions can get you reasons and explanations and justifications and excuses.  But they usually don't come up with useful information.  Don't ask your kid why he is having trouble with algebra.  Ask him what he needs to do to perform better.  There's no need to ask an employee why he didn't get a contract you were bidding for.  Ask him how he can change so you'll be certain to get the next one. 

Good Communicators Move Forward
Robbins writes that good communicators focus on moving forward over rationalizing why something's wrong:

Good communicators aren't interested in rationalizations of why something is going wrong.  They want to find out how to do it right.  The right questions will lead you in that direction.

Key Take Aways
Here's my key take aways:

• Choose "how" questions over "why" questions.
• Don't dwell on what's wrong, focus on what's right.
• Find a way to move forward.

My Related Posts

• Outcome Questions
• PRIEST for Well-Formed Outcomes
• Step Into Your Future
• Cooperative Controversy Over Competitive Controversy
• Framing Compelling Arguments

Don't Wait for Inspiration

Do you wait for inspiration before taking action? Don't. Imagine if athletes only practiced when they were inspired. Inspiration is a gift, but not something you count on every day. Put your focus on mastering your craft and let inspiration happen. When it does, you'll be ready for it. In The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, Steven Pressfield writes about how professionals don't wait for inspiration.

Concentrate on Technique
Pressfield writes about focusing on your technique over waiting for inspiration:

A pro views her work as craft, not art. Not because she believes are is devoid of a mystical dimension. On the contrary. She understands that all creative endeavor is holy, but she doesn't dwell on it. she knows if she thinks about that too much, it will paralyze her. So she concentrates on technique. The professional masters how, and leaves what and why to the gods. Like Somerset Maugham she doesn't wait for inspiration, she acts in the anticipation of its apparition. The professional is acutely aware of the intangibles that go into inspiration. Out of respect for them, she lets them work. She grants them their sphere while she concentrates on hers.

The sign of the amateur is over-glorification of and preoccupation with the mystery.

The professional shuts up. She doesn't talk about it. She does her work.

Key Take Aways
Here's my key take aways:

• Don't wait for inspiration. Inspiration isn't something you should count on, but you should be able to leverage it when it happens. The key is to create more opportunities for your inspiration to be unleashed.
• Focus on mastering your craft. The key here is to focus on what you control. You have control over your techniques and routines. By improving your techniques and routines, you set yourself up for success. When you have your moments of inspiration, your skill and routines will serve you well.

My Related Posts

• Motivation or Action First?

Getting Out of a Slump

How do you get out of a slump?  A common cause of getting in a slump is low confidence.  Getting out of the slump involves stop focusing on what can go wrong, focus on what to do right, and take action.   In Overachievement: The New Model for Exceptional Performance, John Eliot, Ph.D., writes about getting out of a slump.

The Real Problem is Low Confidence
According to Eliot, low-confidence is a common cause of slumps: 

Clients come to me with all sorts of problems.  They're in a "slump," they're choking under pressure, they're not performing as well as they ought to or want to.  Often, their real problem is low-confidence.  Long before they make an important sales call or meet with their boss or the board, they begin thinking about what might go astray, and end up doubting their ability.  They actually are rehearsing potential disasters rather than programming their heads for success and developing confident solutions to roadblocks.

Focus on the Steps and Why They're Good Ones
Eliot writes that you need to change your focus:

I'm often amazed at how quickly people forget what got them where they are in the first place.  The person who is frozen with anxiety over meeting with the board to discuss the financial condition of the company has managed to ignore the simplest fact of the situation: He's being called in to solve a problem, to help move the company forward, to give knowledge or defend viable strategic moves.  Instead of thinking about how he might screw up, he ought to be focusing on the steps he's going to take and why they're good ones.

Action is the Fundamental Aspect of Confidence
According to Eliot, action is a cornerstone of confidence:

Lynn Katen already knew more about regulations around the country than anyone else at the bank.  Once she started acting on that fact, her confidence grew, and so did the bank's confidence in her.  This underscores what I think is a fundamental aspect of confidence: Action.

Key Take Aways
Here's my key take aways:

• Low-confidence is a common cause of slumps.
• Action helps restore confidence.
• Focus on the right steps over focusing on what can go wrong.

My Related Posts

• Secrets of Self-Esteem

Sustainable, Healthy Commitment

How do you stay motivated?  How do you keep a sustainable pace?  Do you passionately take on challenges or do you try to do just enough to get by?  To produce great results, you need a healthy commitment.  A healthy commitment is performance-enhancing, while an unhealthy commitment drains you.  In Overachievement: The New Science of Working Less to Accomplish More, John Eliot, Ph.D. writes about the distinction between a healthy and unhealthy commitment.

Healthy Commitment
Eliot considers "healthy" commitment to be sustainable and performance enhancing:

• Being passionate
• Striving for excellence
• Earning it
• Finding a way to win
• Loving the extra mile
• Chasing a dream
• Doing it for yourself
• Focusing on successes
• Feeling dedication
• Being intense
• Being optimistic
• Playing
• Going for it
• Expressing freedom
• The stuff of dreams; doesn't feel like work

Unhealthy Commitment
Eliot considers what traditionally passes for commitment to be "unhealthy":

• Having a Spartan ideal
• Striving for perfection
• Sacrificing
• Paying the price
• Forcing an extra mile
• Always focusing on mistakes
• Delaying gratification
• Always working
• Neurotic, OCD
• Logging in the hours
• Being pessimistic
• Covering your bases
• Preventing failure
• Taking responsibility
• Can work, but isn't fulfilling

Lack of Commitment
Eliot provides examples to show what a lack of commitment looks like:

• Being an occasional player
• Being victim to obstacle
• Making things easy
• Giving in to frustration
• Lacking inner desire
• Going through the motions
• Doing just the big things
• Being lazy
• Not really wanting it
• Not sustaining it daily
• Thinking negatively
• Making excuses
• Cheating
• Blaming others
• You'll be at the whim of circumstances

The Right Kind of Dedication
Eliot writes the following:

"Dedication is necessary to success, yes.  But it must be the right kind of dedication.  If you've got lofty, creative, vidiv dreams that you want to turn into reality, you must also be abnormal in the way that you view commitment.  It doesn't mean going top speed in every aspect of your life, day and night.  Making great stuff happen is not about multitasking or sheer effort.  You must make choices about the areas where you most want to separate yourself from the pack.  When people buy into the demonstration of work ethic, throwing themselves into everything, the result is halfhearted commitment in too many areas.  To be committed to everything is to be committed to nothing."

Single-minded Passion for What You Do
Eliot writes the following:

"The kind of commitment I find among the best performers across virutally every field is a single-minded passion for what they do, an unwavering desire for excellence in the way they think and the way they work.  Genuine commitment is what launches you out of bed in the morning, and through your day with a spring in your step."

Key Take Aways
Here's my key take aways:

• Play to your passions.  Commitment without passion is a problem and it's not sustainable.  Either find the passion in what you do, or go find your passions.  Sometimes you simply need to change your mindset.  See Choose-Tos Over Have-Tos.
• Enjoy the process.  Don't just focus on the outcomes.  You can't play your best game if you are only focused on the scoreboard.  See Process Orientation Over Product Orientation.
• Focus on excellence.  Anything worth doing is worth doing well.   By focusing on excellence, you bring out the art in what you do.  You also bring out your best and it's an opportunity for innovation.  Continuous improvement and little distinctions over time are a powerful recipe for results.
• Be fully engaged.  If you are committed to doing it, then give it your all.  If you can't give it your all, you need to ask what's holding you back.
• Take on big challenges.  Taking on big challenges is how you grow and improve your performance.  It's the big challenges that keep you fully engaged.  If you aren't excited by what you do, maybe you haven't challenged yourself.
• Focus on successes over failures.  Failures are your lessons.  Focus on your successes and build momentum.

Framing Compelling Arguments

How do you create compelling arguments for change? How do you convince others to comply with your requests? How do you reduce the perceived costs of action or increase the perceived costs of inaction? In The First 90 Days: Critical Success Strategies for New Leaders at All Levels, Michael Watkins writes about framing compelling arguments.

Reason, Values, or a Combination
Watkins writes:

"Persuasive appeals can be based on logic and data, or on values and the emotions that values elicit, or on some combination thereof. Reason-based arguments have to directly address the pragmatic interests of the people you want to convince. Value-based arguments aim to trigger emotional reflexes -- for example, by evoking patriotism to win support for sacrifices during wartime."

Appealing to Core Values
Watkins summarizes appealing to core values:

Core Values	Within the Business Environment
Loyalty	Commitment to an ideal Sacrifice to realize that ideal
Commitment and Contribution	Service to customers and suppliers Creating a better organization, society, or world
Individual worth and dignity	Respect for the individual expressed as elimination of exploitative or patronized practices and promotion of decency and opportunity for all Providing the means for individuals to realize their potential
Integrity	Respect for the letter and the spirit of the law Ethical and honest behavior Fairness in all interactions

Key Take Aways
Here's my key take aways:

• Frame your arguments. One approach is to just ask for what you want and see what happens. If the stakes are high, you'll want to frame a compelling argument.
• Know whether you need logic, emotion or a combination. In general, I find a combination is most effective. That said, some people are more emotionally-driven while others are more data-driven. For those that are more emotionally driven, I find that metaphors or emotional picture words work well. If you know somebody is more data-driven, be sure to do your homework. See Know It Alls.
• Know an individual's convincer strategy. You need to know the recipe to how an individual gets convinced. See Seven Meta-Programs for Understanding People.
• Don't misrepresent your argument. There's a difference between improving your argument and manipulation. Present your argument in a compelling, relevant way, but don't mislead. Integrity matters.
• Know the meta-programs. If you know how people filter the world and what they value, you can make your argument more relevant. See Seven Meta-Programs for Understanding People.
• Know the Five Thinking Styles. If you know how people think, you can better frame your argument. See Five Thinking Styles.
• Create a compelling business case. You can use a business case to show how big is the pie and what's your slice. You can use a business case to either support your argument or to argue against an alternative action. See Eight Rules of businessThink.
• Calculate the impact. This includes the impact over time. Many people are driven by impact. They like to know they make a difference. If you help show them how they will make a difference, this will help you frame a more compelling argument. See Calculating Impact.

My Related Posts

• Five Thinking Styles
• Eight Rules of businessThink
• Seven Meta-Programs for Understanding People
• The Lens of Human Understanding
• Cooperative Controversy Over Competitive Controversy
• Six Thinking Hats
• How To Use the But-Rebuttal Method
• No Person
• Know-It-Alls
• PRIEST for Well-Formed Outcomes
• Expectation Management
• How To Paint a Future Picture
• Mutual Purpose
• Searching for the Elusive And
• Putting Good Ideas in Place

Action-Forcing Events

How do you get people to take action?  If your results depend on other people, how do you set the stage for action and help build momentum?  In The First 90 Days: Critical Success Strategies for New Leaders at All Levels, Michael Watkins write about how to use action-forcing events to help move people into action.

Eliminate Inaction as an Option
Watkins writes:

"How can you get people to take action at all?  It is all too easy even with the best intentions, to defer decisions, delay, and avoid committing scarce resources.  When your success requires the coordinated action of many people, delay by a single individual can have a cascade effect, giving others an excuse not to proceed.  You must therefore eliminate inaction as an option." 

Setting Up Action-Forcing Events
Watkins writes:

"One approach is to set up action-forcing events -- events that induce people to make commitments or take actions.  Those who make commitments should be locked into timetables with incremental implementation milestones.  Meetings, review sessions, and deadlines can all sustain momentum:  Regular meetings to review progress, and tough questioning of those who fail to reach agreed-on goals, increase the psychological pressure to follow through."

Don't Push Them Toward the Opponent Side
Watkins writes:

"Be careful though: Avoid pressing for closure until you are confident the balance of forces acting on key people is tipping your way.  Otherwise, you could succeed in forcing them to take a stand, but inadvertently push them toward the 'opponent' side of the ledger.  Again, you need to rely on your conversations with the people involved and with your 'intelligence network' to get a sense of where the situation stands."

Key Take Aways
Here's my key take aways:

• Identify who does what when.  There's a big difference between agreeing to actions and having owners that are accountable.  There's also a big difference when you have a timeframe for the outcome.
• Use timetables and incremental milestones.  Rather than wait for a big bang at the end, chunk the work down into increments.  This avoids large surprises downstream. 
• Leverage review sessions.  Review sessions are a great forcing function.
• Ask the right questions with the right people in the room.  This is one of the most effective ways to drive results or at least clarify roadblocks and issues.

Yerkes-Dodson Human Performance Curve

Are you working harder but producing less?  While stress can initially help your personal performance, sustained stress at too high a level can  decrease your performance.  As you try to compensate for your decreasing performance, this creates more stress, further decreasing your performance.  It's a vicious cycle.  In The First 90 Days: Critical Success Strategies for New Leaders at All Levels, Michael Watkins writes about the Yerkes-Dodson Human Performance Curve and how it explains the relationship of levels of stress to your performance.

Yerkes-Dodson Human Performance Curve
Here's an example of the Yerkes-Dodson Human Performance Curve:

Working Harder to Achieve Less
Watkins writes:

"Whether self-generated or externally imposed, you need some stress (often in the form of positive incentives or consequences from inaction) to be productive. Without it, not much happens - you stay in bed munching chocolates. As you begin to experience pressure, your performance improves, at least at first. Eventually you reach a point (which varies from person to person) at which further demands, in the form of too many balls to juggle or too heavy an emotional load, start to undermine performance. This dynamic creates more stress, further reducing your performance and creating a vicious cycle as yo go over the top of your stress curve. Rarely, outright exhaustion stress in and the new leader burns out. Much more common is chronic underperformance. You work harder and achieve less."

Key Take Aways
As with so many things, balance is the key.  If you don't have any stress, you won't get your best performance.  On the other hand, if you sustain too much stress, you'll start to degrade your performance.  Here's my key take aways:

• Distinguish between good stress and bad stress.  Some stress improves your performance.  At some point, your performance is negatively impacted.  You need to identify when you're spinning your wheels.
• Distinguish between types of tasks.  For some physical tasks, a higher-level of stress will help motivate you and sustain your performance.  For difficult, complex or highly cognitive tasks (such as requiring a high-degree of concentration), stress can reduce your performance faster.
• Distinguish between stress and anxiety.  Stress is your body's physical reaction, while anxiety is your cognitive association.  For example, you might feel anxious and associate your anxiety with stressful scenarios.
• Avoid sustaining high-levels of stress beyond your capacity.   As you can see from the curve, performance rapidly diminishes once you are beyond your stress threshold.
• Don't stress about stress.  Part of why your performance can deteriorate so quickly is because you notice your performance is deteriorating and this creates more stress, further diminishing your performance.
• Reduce your stress through checklists.  It works for the air force.  See How To Avoid Task Saturation.
• Know your own stress patterns.  You're your best gauge if you pay attention to your performance.  You'll know when your concentration is off, or your motivation is off, ... etc.  You know how you react to various scenarios and whether the stress works for you or against you.  Simply increasing awareness of situations and your performance and levels of stress is a great start.  You can then either tailor situations to suit you, or you can find ways to adapt to certain situations, or you can avoid situations all-together.

My Related Posts

• How to Avoid Task Saturation
• Master My Stories
• Six Styles Under Stress
• Personal Space
• 7 Meta-programs for Understanding People

Positive Thinking vs. Positive Action

While positive thinking is a good guideline, it's not a mantra to use while you're performing your task. When you're performing, the key is to stay focused on the task and take positive action. In Overachievement: The New Model for Exceptional Performance, John Eliot, Ph.D. writes about how great performers use positive action over positive thinking to produce great results.

Exceptional Thinkers Act
Eliot writes:

"Negative thinking is extremely powerful. If you believe a catastrophe is one step around the corner, then it will be hard to be genuinely committed or confident. 'Think positively' is generally good advice, but it also can be an obstacle to exceptional thinking. Positive thinking tends to be goal-oriented. It also tends to put performers in the Training Mindset, analyzing their stream of consciousness. Exceptional thinkers learn to trust their consciousness. They teach themselves the power of positive action. They don't stop to think about how great the act is going to be. Instead, they act."

The Best Result Possible for That Given Moment
Eliot writes:

"This is a big difference. A great surgeon is not carving away at your innards thinking to himself: 'I'm a great surgeon, I'm doing a great operation, yes I am.' Such self-talk would strike a surgeon as not just silly but potentially very dangerous. Surgeons do not even think, "First I do X, then I do Y, and what is it that comes after that? Right, I do Z.' Good surgeons go to work, cut by cut, stitch by stitch, trusting their training and experience. During surgery, they no more think about what they're doing -- positively or negatively -- than a good salesman in the middle of a deal thinks about the steps in the company sales manual or a great pianist on stage is thinking about what note comes next. Nor are they thinking about the perfect result; they are just doing what they're good at and enjoying it, and they know if that's all they do, the best result possible for that given moment will be there."

Confidence is in Gear
Eliot writes:

"They do not have to contemplate the importance of being confident because genuinely confident surgeons, salesmen, and musicians arrive with their confidence already in gear. They perform based on their philosophies, not a set of instructions. They no more have to remind themselves to be confident or committed than truly religious people have to jot down 'keep the faith' on their to-do list. Being faithful is just who they are."

Think Exceptionally
Eliot writes:

"A philosophy of performance is not a mantra that you repeat over and over to yourself as you perform. It's a guideline to help you keep thinking exceptionally regardless of the factors pushing you to revert to your old habits or socializing you to think like the masses."

Key Take Aways
I like the distinction between thinking about performing and actually performing. Here's my take aways:

• Don't second guess yourself. Great performers don't analyze their stream of conscious. Instead, their fully engaged in their performance.
• Don't allow negative thinking. Negative thinking holds you back.
• Trust your abilities. Don't doubt yourself. Great performers trust their abilities.
• Be in the moment. Great performers aren't stuck in the past, or distracted by the future.

I think the real key here is that great performers don't mix practice with performance. They lose themselves in the moment. They act with competence, commit with confidence, and fully embrace the task at hand.

Choose-Tos Over Have-Tos

Do you find yourself saying, "I have to do this" or "I have to do that?" Well ... stop! You're draining yourself, and taking away your chance to enjoy what you do. Instead, tell yourself, "I'm choosing to do this." You may not actually like what you're doing, but you are choosing to do it, either to gain pleasure, or avoid pain. In The Power of Focus: What the Worlds Greatest Achievers Know about The Secret of Finiancial Freedom and Success,Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Les Hewitt write about how to turn your have-to's into choose-to's.

Stay Out of Have-To Land
Canfield, Hansen, and Hewitt write:

"When you constantly live your life in Have-To land, you put yourself in a position of pressure. This causes resistance and resentment and drains your life of energy.

When you live each day from a position of Choose-To, you are your are in a position of power. You feel in charge and in control of your life."

Master the Mundane
Canfield, Hansen, and Hewitt write:

"This takes a conscious effort to consistently think about your everyday decisions -- even simple tasks like washing the dishes.Say to yourself, 'I'm choosing to wash the dishes now, and I'll do the best job possible.' This is much better than,'Oh no, I have to do the dishes, what a drag.' If you really detest doing mundane tasks, choose now to create a lifestyle where you won't be required to do those things. Delegate them to someone else, or hire the work out. "

Consistent Choosing
Canfield, Hansen, and Hewitt write:

"It's also worth noting that the resistance caused by your Have-To jobs often leads to chronic procrastination, and you know how unproductive that can be.

Decide how to shift your focus. Make every activity a conscious choice. No more Have-To lists. Starting today, eliminate those words from your vocabulary.

Regain your power. Expand your energy and enjoy the freedom that consistent choosing adds to your life."

Key Take Aways
I like nuggets you can put into practice and get immediate results. This is one of them. You might have heard the saying, "The only thing you have to do is die and pay taxes." Whether or not you agree, the message is to embrace the freedoms you do have. Don't cage yourself with limiting language. Here's my take aways:

• Don't beat yourself up when you could lift yourself up. When you catch yourself saying, "I have to," remember you're the one in charge, and say, "I choose to."
• Create choose-to lists over have-to lists. Your To-Do list is really your choose-to-do list. Are you choosing the right things?
• Don't undermine your dicipline. If you're good at sticking to your routines and schedules, don't sell yourself short, by saying you do what you have-to. You're choosing to stick to your schedules and routines, so good job!
• Revisit your choose-tos. If they're not working for you, maybe you need to choose a new set.
• Turn tasks into opportunities. Even the most mundane task is an opportunity for improvement.
• Consider Personal Outsourcing. Maybe your mundane tasks are another person's opportunity?

My Related Posts

• Motivation without Coercion
• Process Over Product Orientation
• 13 Negative Motivation Patterns
• How To Overcome Resistance
• Low Frustration Tolerance

Step Into Your Future

What if you could step into your future, experience your success, and look back on how you got there? What if you could do a dry run or walkthrough of your future accomplishments and actually feel your results? In Brilliant Nlp: What the Most Successful People Know, Say & Do, David Molden and Pat Hutchinson write about a simple but effective technique from their Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) experience, that you can use to visualize your success.

Visualize Your Success
You can use this technique to set a realistic timescale for your goals and to see how well-formed your outcomes are. Molden and Hutchinson write the following:

"Find a quiet space where you can visualize the journey of achievement. Mark a space on the floor to represent 'now.' From this space walk to a point on the floor a particular distance away to represent the time you think it will take to achieve your outcomes. Stand on this point and look back to 'now.' Spend some time feeling what it's like to have achieved all your outcomes.

Next, walk a little further into the future and turn around. Look back to 'now' again and visualize what you did to achieve your outcomes. Make sure your internal language is in the past tense. Once your mind has grasped the idea that you have already succeeded, visualizing what you did as opposed to what you have to do is a much more creative, insightful and far less stressful process. It's very powerful, and great fun too."

Key Take Aways
Here's my key take aways:

• Do a dry run of your future. Mental simulation is a great way to do rapid pattern matching. Stepping through your future and asking your mind how you got there, puts your mind into a resourceful state. It goes into problem solving mode. You might be surprised at the results.
• Incrementally render your future. You can frame out your future and gradually add detail. Framing out your future will help you figure out the big rocks before getting stuck in details. You can add detail over time.
• Iterate on your future. Doing multiple dry runs might be better than getting stuck on trying to figure out too much. The more you do it, the easier it will get and the more you'll think of.
• Pay attention to surprises. Maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side of the hill. Maybe it doesn't feel like you thought it would, and you really want something else. Maybe you find you're missing key skills or abilities. Use the experience for reflection and consider whether you really want another path.

My Related Posts

• PRIEST for Well-Formed Outcomes
• How To Figure Out What You Really Want
• How To Visualize Success
• Fear of Becoming Who You Truly Are
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PRIEST for Well-Formed Outcomes

The acronym PRIEST provides a framework for evaluating outcomes. In Brilliant Nlp: What the Most Successful People Know, Say & Do, David Molden and Pat Hutchinson share the PRIEST framework for well-formed goals.

PRIEST for Well-Formed Outcomes
Molden and Hutchinson write how to use PRIEST for goals:

• P is for Positively Stated.
• R is for Resources
• I is for Initiated and Maintained By Self
• E is for Ecology
• S is for Sensory Evidence
• T is for Time.

P is for Positively Stated
Molden and Hutchinson write:

"A feature of the human mind is its inability to process a negative. Consider the following instruction, "whatever you do, do NOT think about a pink elephant," Oh! Too late, you thought about one didn't you? We know you did because you have to think of the thing you are not supposed to think about! Beware of your capacity to "get what you focus on." If your main focus is on what you don't want you may end up getting it! Make sure that your outcomes are clearly stated in the positive -- in other words what you do want, not what you don't want (a pink elephant.) "

R is for Resources
Molden and Hutchinson write:

"This includes internal as well as external resources. Do you have the courage, confidence, staying power, commitment, determination and other internal
resources you may need to succeed? If not there are NLP techniques you can use
to acquire them. What external resources will you need - finance, people, knowledge? "

I is for Initiated and Maintained by Self
Molden and Hutchinson write:

"Is the achievement of this outcome totally in your control or does it depend on something outside your control? You may want to adjust your outcome if you are not fully in control. Even if you involve other people to help you, make sure you keep hold of the responsibility for your choices, even when things don't go according to plan."

E is for Ecology
Molden and Hutchinson write:

"Have you considered the consequences of achieving your outcome? What are the likely impacts on other people and other aspects of your life? Are they acceptable to you? This is known as an 'ecology check.' "

S is for Sensory Evidence
Molden and Hutchinson write:

"What sensory evidence will tell you that you have successfully achieved your outcomes? What will you hear? what will you see and how will you feel? Take
some time to imagine how things will be in the future having achieved what you
set out to achieve. How will you know you have been successful?"

T is for Time
Molden and Hutchinson write:

"What timescale are you working to? How long will it take you to achieve all the outcomes attached to your goal? If you write out your goals it is very easy to miss something.

Key Take Aways
Here's my key take aways:

• Leverage sensory evidence. I think this is a hidden gem. Hard measures aren't always the best way to show progress, particularly when it's not obvious or it's tough to measure. For example, if you're losing weight, what you see and feel might be more promising feedback than what you see on a scale. On the flip side, if you're not seeing or feeling results, your approach might not be working and it might be time to change your approach.
• Leverage your resources. I think this is another key to success. I see too many people go it alone without figuring out what they need, beyond just motivation. Knowledge is key. One of the most effective ways to succeed is to use reference examples and model their success. Mentors are all around you. Figuring out the resources you'll need up front can really help you over hurdles downstream, particulary if your lacking a resource like knowledge.
• Focus on what you want. This sounds obvious, but it's easier to stay on course if you keep your attention on where you're going versus where you don't want to go.
• Know how the system will react. I really like the ecology check. You can affect a lot of change in your sphere of influence. Anticipating what the downstream chain of reaction might be, can be motivating or it might inspire you to take a different course.
• Use time to your advantage. Do you need to be a tortoise or a hare? Is is a marathon or a sprint? Can you chunk it up and get incremental results sooner? Do you personally thrive on building momentum? Can you scale back Rome? Keeping perspective on time, anticipating results, and choosing the right pace go a long way for effective results. One of the most important things to remember is that consistent action over time produces profound change. Most of the meaningful changes you want probably go beyond a short-burst effort.

My Related Posts

• What You Become By Reaching Your Goals
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The Fat Guy and The Skinny Guy

In The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don't Work and What to Do About It, Michael E. Gerber, writes about how each of us has different personalities inside and how they can work against us.

Every One of Us is a Set of Different Personalities
Gerber writes:

"Is it any wonder we have such a tough time keeping our commitments to ourselves?

It's not that we're indecisive or unreliable; it's that each and every one of us is a whole set of different personalities, each with his own interests and way of doing things. Asking any of them to defer to any of the others is inviting a battle or even a full-scale ware.

Anyone who has every experienced the conflict between The Fat Guy and The Skinn Guy (and haven't we all?) knows what I mean. You can't be both; one of them has to lose. And they both know it."

The Skinny Guy Wakes Up
Gerber writes how The Skinny Guy wakes up:

"Let's take a look at two personalities we're all familiar with: The Fat Guy and The Skinny Guy

Have you ever decided to go on a diet? You're sitting in front of the television set on Saturday afteroon, watching an athletic competition, awed by the athletes' stamina and dexterity. You're eating a sandwich, your second since you sat down to watch the event two hours before. You're feeling sluggish in the face of all the action on the screen, when, suddenly, somebody wakes up in you and says, "What are you doing? Look at yourself, You're Fat! You're out of shape! Do something about it!""

The Skinny Guy Calls the Shots
Gerber writes how The Skinny Guy takes over:

"It has happened to us all. Somebody wakes up inside us with a totally different picture of who we should be and what we should be doing. In this case, let's call him The Skinny Guy.

Who's The Skinny Guy? He's the one who uses words like discipline, exercise, organization. The Skinny Guy is intolerant, self-righteous, a stickler for detail, a compulsive tyrant.

The Skinny Guy abhors fat people. Can't stand sitting around. Needs to be on the move. Lives for action.

The Skinny Guy has just taken over. Watch out -- things are about to change."

The World's a Different Place
Gerber writes how the world changes right before your eyes:

"Before you know it, you're cleaning all the fattening foods out of the refrigerator. You're buying a new pair of running shoes, barbells, and sweats. Things are going to be different around here. You have a new lease on life. You plan your new physical regimen: up at five, run three miles, cold shower at six, a breakfast of wheat toast, black coffee, and half a grapefruit; then, ride your bicycle to work, home by seven, run another two miles, to bet at ten -- the world's already a different place!"

The Skinny Guy Gets Results
Gerber writes how The Skinny Guy gets results:

"And you actually pull it off! By Monday night, you've lost two pounds. You go to sleep dreaming of winning the Boston Marathon. Why not? The way things are going, it's only a matter of time.

Tuesday night you get on the scale. Another pound gone! You're incredible. Gorgeous. A lean machine."

Dejection Creeps In
Gerber writes how dejection happens:

"On Wednesday, you really pour it one. You work out an extra hour in the norming, an extra half-hour at night.

You can't wait to get on the scale. You strip down to your bare skin, shivering in the bathroom, fill with expectation of what your scale is going to tell you. You step lightly onto it and look down. What you see is ... nothing. You haven't lost an ounce. You're exactly the same as you were on Tuesday.

Dejection creeps in. You begin to feel a slight twinge of resentment. "After all that work? After all that sweat and effort? And then -- nothing?" It isn't fair." But you shrug it off. After all, tomorrow's another day. You go to bed, vowing to work harder on Thursday. But somehow something has changed."

The Fat Guy's Back
Gerber writes about how the Fat Guy's return:

"You don't know what's changed until Thursday monring.

It's raining.
The room is cold.
Something feels different.
What is it?
For a minute or two you can't quite put your finger on on it.
And then you get it: somebody else is in your body.

It's The Fat Guy! ... he's back!"

It Isn't I. It's We.
Gerber writes about how our personalities form the team inside us:

"And so when The Skinny Guy decides to change things we actually believe that it's I who's making that decision.
And when The Fat Guy wakes up and changes it all back again, we think it's I who's making that decision too.
But it isn't I. It's we."

Key Take Aways
I found Gerber's frame and story both entertaining and insightful. It reminds me of the cartoons where a devil and angel sit on each shoulder, each one fighting for control. Here's a few of my take aways:

• Recognize your different personalities. I think it's empowering to recognize different personalities inside ourselves and how they can work against us. For example, is your self-talk more critic than coach? One technique here is to intentionally change perspective, by wearing a different hat, such as in The Six Thinking Hats. For example, if you're beating yourself up, try putting on your coach hat for a change.
• Your identity can work for or against you. How you see yourself matters. I think this story hits on the concept of identity. How you see yourself makes a difference who wins in the long run. For example, do you see yourself as The Skinny Guy trapped in The Fat Guy's body. If you see yourself as The Skinny Guy, you'll work harder to be consistent with your identity. I think the real key here is be careful how you label yourself.
  
  
  

What You Become By Reaching Your Goals

Goal setting is a powerful tool for personal development. In Your Road Map for Success: You Can Get There from Here, John C. Maxwell writes:

"Retail department store founder J.C. Penny declared, "Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I will give you a man who will make history. Give me a man without a goal and I will give you a stock clerk." Penny recognized the power and importance of goals. While you work on them, they work on you. And what you get by reaching your goals is not nearly as important as what you become by reaching them. "

My Related Posts

• How To Figure Out What You Really Want
• Fear of Becoming Who You Truly Are
• Skills for the Road Ahead

How To Figure Out What You Really Want

What if you spend your years climbing the corporate ladder, only to find that your ladder was up against the wrong wall? What if money can't buy what you're really looking for? What if there's a simpler or more effective way to get what you want? In Work from the Inside Out: Seven Steps to Loving What You Do, Nancy O'Hara writes about an approach to help you figure out what you really want.

Work Goals, Thing Goals, Feeling Goals and Thinking Goals
How do you figure out what you really want? What do you really want at work? What tangible things do you want? What relationships do you want? What feelings do you want more of (or less of)? What states of mind (such as peace of mind) do you want more of?

Finding the Goal Behind the Goal
Identifying what you really want can be tricky. The pursuit of a tangible goal, such as a Ferarri, might be masking a feeling goal (more freedom, feeling of competence or feeling of success.) Pursuiting that Ferarri might cause you a lot of stress in your life, when maybe all you needed to do was go fishing. Maybe there's another strategy to drive Ferraris (e.g. maybe a lot attendant at a rich club.)

Steps For Figuring Out What You Really Want
O'Hara writes the following steps:

1. Write a random and comprehensive list of all the tangible things you would like to have that you don't now have (in no particular order.)
2. Now prioritize the list by placing numbers before each item, with the number 1 being assigned to the most desired thing.
3. Then for the top ten items on the list assign a number from 1 to 5 that indicates the intensity of your desire, with 1 being low and 5 being high.
4. For each of the ten items write a paragraph or two about how having them would change or not change your life and how not having them now affects your life.
5. Repeat exercises 1 to 4 with a list of intangible things you would like to have in your life. (This could include relationships, feelings, states of mind.)
6. Repeat exercises 1 to 4 with work-related desires (perhaps your ideal job, a new boss, a different schedule.)
7. On a separate piece of paper write down the most-desired thing from each list and put it aside for the moment. Then collect all the pages you've written on to complete the exercise in this section and make a ritual of burning or otherwise destroying them. Choose a time when you can be alone. Read over (preferably out loud) what you've written and sit quietly, absorbing the extent of your own desires and the dissatisfaction they've created. Then shred the papers into tiny pieces and/or safely burn them. As you watch them disappear, imagine your desire for them also going up in smoke. Be willing -- even just for the time it takes to do this exercise -- to let them go.
8. Afterward sit quietly again and absorb the impact of this ritual. Write about the feelings it evoked and what effect, if any, it had on your wish list.
9. Now look at the three desires you wrote down and set aside. Is your level of desire for these things the same as it was when you first wrote about them? Concentrate on the work-related desire and write about what you could do to attain it. And if it still feels that your life will be more complete with it than without it, then make a plan that will move you toward getting it. And decide, since it is so important to have this thing, that everything along the way you must do to get it will be as important, as valued and as pleasing as the thing itself. Each act, each chore is a part of the thing itself because without them you cannot have it. If you see each of those things in this way, then you will see that in the doing of these things you already have them. Absorb yourself in these details, enjoy the process of getting to it, and maybe when you get there it will feel as though you've had it all along

Key Take Aways
I had several take aways from this particular approach:

• Frame out work goals, relationship goals, feeling goals, and thinking goals. I think a lot of goal setting exercises that people are taught tend to be pretty limited. I like the fact that O'Hara frames out the goals into meaningful buckets. I think this is the key to figuring out the real drivers behind some goals.
• Unmasking your goals is a key step for clarity. The goal behind the goal is what's important. I particularly like the unmasking process O'Hara lays out.
• Make the process as meaningful as the outcome. The pursuit needs to be as meaningful as the accomplishment. My favorite line from her steps is "...And decide, since it is so important to have this thing, that everything along the way you must do to get it will be as important, as valued and as pleasing as the thing itself...". For me, the most important message in this is that the process of achieving the goal is as important as the goal itself. It makes the day to day meaningful. If you know you're moving towards what you want, which may require sacrifice, but you are aware of what you are trading, the path becomes more rewarding. See Process Over Product Orientation.
• Results are instant. As soon as you know your are on your path, every step on your path is the right one. Martin Luther talked and walked his dream - his pursuit was as meaningful as his accomplishments. In one night, Ebenezer Scrooge got to see his past, present and future. He didn't like his future. He started living the life he wanted to lead the next day.
• Purpose and passion get you back up on your your horse. Life happens. We got knocked off our horses. The trick is getting back on. Having clarity in what you want and passion in what you do, helps you get back on your horse. If you're not confident in your path, it's easier to get knocked off your horse and even tougher to get back on.
• Check that your ladder is up against the right wall. Having clarity on what you want, helps you choose more effective strategies. if you know what you really want, you can choose more effective strategies.
• Mitigrate the risks of having a life of regrets. Scrooge didn't like his outcome. He immediatley chose a more caring approach with the people in his life and changed his destiny.
• Maybe you've had it all along. When I read this line "...Absorb yourself in these details, enjoy the process of getting to it, and maybe when you get there it will feel as though you've had it all along ..." I can't help but to think of Dorothy when she got back home, and realized there's no place like home.

Additional Resources

• How To Discover Your Life Purpose in About 20 Minutes
• The Power of Clarity
• Deciding What To Do With Your Life

My Related Posts

• Fear of Becoming Who You Truly Are
• Process Orientation Over Product Orientation
• How To Overcome Resistance
• How To Paint a Future Picture
  

Emulate the Great

How can you learn whatever you want from any of your favorite heroes? By modeling what they think, feel, and do. In Think and Grow Rich, Napolean Hill writes:

"Experience has taught me that the next best thing to being truly great is to emulate the great, by feeling and action, as nearly as possible."

Imaginary Council of Heroes
Hill writes about using an "imaginary council" to shape his character:

"I followed the habit of reshaping my own character by, by trying to intimidate the nine men whose lives and life-works had been most impressive to me. These nine men were Emerson, Paine, Edison, Darwin, Lincoln, Burbank, Napolean, Ford and Carnegie. Every night over a long period of years, I held an imaginary council meeting with this group whom I called my "Invisible Counselors."

The procedure was this. Just before going to sleep at night, I would shut my eyes, and see my imagination, this group of men seated with me around my council table. Here I had not only an opportunity to sit among those whom I considered to be great, but I actually dominated the group, by serving as the chairman.

I had a very definite purpose in indulging in my imagination through these nightly meetings. My purpose was to rebuild my own character to it would represent a composite of the characters of my imaginary counselors."

Example Dialogue
Hill includes an example of his dialogue with his imaginary council:

• "Mr. Emerson, I desire to acquire from you the marvelous understanding of nature which distinguished your life. I ask that you make an impress upon my subconscious mind of whatever qualities you possessed, which enabled you to understand and adapt yourself to the laws of nature."
• "Mr. Burbank, I request that you pass on to me the knowledge which enabled you to harmonize the laws of nature, that you caused the cactus to shed its thorns and become an edible food. Give me access to the knowledge which enabled you to make two blades of grass grow where but one grew before. "
• "Napolean, I desire to acquire from you, by emulation, the marvelous ability you possessed to inspire men, and to arouse them to greater and more determined spirit of action. Also to acquire the spirit of enduring faith, which
  enabled you to turn defeat into victory, and to surmount staggering obstacles."
• "Mr. Paine, I desire to acquire from you the freedom of thought and the courage and clarity with which to express convictions which so distinguished you! "
• "Mr. Darwin, I wish to acquire from you the marvelous patience, and ability to study cause and effect, without bias or prejudice, so exemplified by you in the field of natural science."
• "Mr. Lincoln, I desire to build into my own character the keen sense of justice, the untiring spirit of patience, the sense of humor, the human
  understanding, and the tolerance which were your distinguishing characteristics."
• "Mr. Carnegie, I wish to acquire a thorough understanding of the principles of organized effort, which you used so effectively in the building of a great industrial enterprise."
• "Mr. Ford, I wish to acquire your spirit of persistence, the determination, the poise, and self-confidence which have enabled you to master poverty, and to organize, unify and simplify human effort, so I may help others to follow in your footsteps."
• "Mr. Edison, I wish to acquire from you the marvelous spirit of faith, with which you have uncovered so many of nature's secrets, the spirit of unremiting toil with which you have so often wrested victory from defeat."

My Take Aways
There's a few things I like about this example:

1. I like the idea of turning your favorite heroes into a personal sounding board.
2. It doesn't matter whether you model from someone alive or from the past. It's an imaginary council.
3. I think the process of visualizing helps you clarify what you really want.
4. I think the act of visualizing from multiple perspectives helps you reflect on where you really are with regard to where you really want to be. It's a good way of exposing opportunities for improvement.
5. I know from experience that modeling the success of others is an effective way to speed up learning cycles.
6. I particularly like the fact that Hill called out that it's more than just modeling action, it's modeling the feeling. If you just go through the motions, it's not the same as being in the same state of mind or feeling your way through.

My Related Posts

• Idea Techniques (Group C) (see "Hall of Fame" and "Board of Directors" from )
• Idea Techniques (Intuitive) (See "The Shadow")

"Can't Lose" System

The "Can't Lose" System is a way to combat your fear of failure. It works by listing your fears, exposing distorted thinking, and identifying ways to cope. In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes:

"You may feel hesitant to put your can'ts to the test because you don't want to run the risk of failure. If you don't run any risks, at least you can maintain the secret belief that you're basically a terrific person who's decided for the time being not to get involved. Behind your aloofness and lack of commitment lurks a powerful sense of inadequcy and the fear of failure.

The 'Can't Lose' System will help you combat this fear. Make a list of the negative consequences you might have to deal with if you took a risk and actually did fail. Then expose the distortions in your fears, and show how you could cope productively even if you did experience a disppointment."

Example "Can't Lose" System
Burns includes an example of a "Can't Lose" System:

Negative Consequences of Being Turned Down for a Job	Positive Thoughts and Coping Strategies
1. This means I'll never get a job.	Overgeneralization. This is unlikely. I can test this by applying for series of other jobs and putting my best foot forward to see what happens.
2. My husband will look down on me.	Fortune teller error. Ask him. Maybe he will be sympathetic.
3. But what if he's not sympathetic? He might say this shows I belong in the kitchen and don't have what it takes.	Point out to him I'm doing my best and his rejecting attitude doesn't help. Tell him that I am disappointed, but that I credit myself for trying.
4. But we're nearly broke. We need the money.	We've survived so far and haven't missed a single meal.
5. If I don't get a job, I won't be able to afford some decent new school clothes for the kids. They'll look scraggly.	I can get some clothes later on. We'll have to learn to get along with what we have for a while. Happiness doesn't come from clothes, but from our self-respect.
6. A lot of my friends have jobs. They'll see I can't cut the mustard in the business world.	They're not all employed and even my friends do have jobs can probably remember a time when they were out of work. They haven't done anything so far to indicate they look down on me.

Key Take Aways
This technique strikes me as a great way to put things in perspective. I'm a fan of thinking on paper. I think that organizing your thoughts goes a long way for dealing with fears and coming up with rationale solutions.

Test Your Can'ts

Test your cant's. I think the name says it all. This technique is about putting your negative houghts to the test. In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes:

"An extremely successful cognitive technique involves testing your negative predictions with actual experiments. Suppose for example, you've been telling yourself: 'I'm so upset that I can't concentrate well enough to read anything at all.' As a way of testing this hypothesis, sit down with today's newspaper and read one sentence, and then see if you can summarize the sentence out loud. You might then predict -- 'But I could never read and understand a whole paragraph.' Again -- put this to the test. Read a paragraph and summarize. Many sever, chronic depressions have been cracked open with this powerful method."

I like this technique! Rather than just think you can't do something, try and prove it. Test yourself and you may be pleasantly surprised.

How To Visualize Success

Which works better, the carrot or the stick? In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes that clubbing yourself doesn't work as well as a fat, fresh carrot:

"Suppose for example, you want to quit smoking. You may be reminding
yourself about cancer and all the dangers of smoking. These fear tactics make you so nervous that you immediately reach for another cigarette; they don't work. "

Burns shares a three step method for visualizing success that actually does work.

Summary of Steps
To visualize success effectively, take the following actions:

• Step 1. List the advantages of taking the positive action.
• Step 2. Fantasize you are in your favorite spot.
• Step 3. Go through your list of benefits.

Step 1. List the advantages of taking the positive action.
Prepare a list of all the positive consequences that you would enjoy if you take the action. Write down as many as you can and prioritize them. List the most important first.

Step 2. Fantasize you are in your favorite spot.
Each night, before sleep, fantasize that you're in your favorite spot. This could be walking on a mountain trail, lying on a beach ... etc. Focus on every enjoyable detail and let your body go.

Step 3. Go through your list of benefits.
Once your body is relaxed, go through your list of benefits one by one. State each benefit as if you already have it. For example, you might say, "Now that I have greater self-discipline, I can take on other challenges."

I like the fact that Burns is shares a technique he's successfully used on himself and with many of his patients. I know that mental conditioning is a common practice among athletes and peak performers. I'm also a believer that if you can see something in your mind's eye, you have a better chance of achieving it. If you can't visualize success, then chances are you won't achieve it (a self-fulfilling prophecy.)

Why It's Great to Be Able to Make Mistakes

Does fear of failure hold you back? In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes why it's great to be able to make mistakes.

Why It's Great to Be Able to Make Mistakes
Burns writes the following:

1. I fear mistakes because I see everything in absolutist, perfectionist
   terms -- one mistake and the whole is ruined. This is erroneous. A
   small mistake certaintly doesn't ruin an otherwise fine whole.
2. It's good to make mistakes because then we learn -- in fact, we won't learn unless we make mistakes. No one can avoid making mistakes -- and since it's going to happen in any case, we may as well accept it and learn from it.
3. Recognizing our mistakes helps us adjust our behavior so that we can get results we're more pleased with -- so we might say that mistakes ultimately operate to make us happier and to make things better.
4. If we fear making mistakes, we become paralyzed -- we're afraid to do or try anything, since we might (in fact, probably will) make some mistakes. If we restrict our activities so that we won't make mistakes, then we are really defeating ourselves. The more we try and the more mistakes we make, the faster we'll learn, and the happier we'll be ultimately.
5. Most people aren't going to be mad at us or dislike us because we make mistakes -- they all make mistakes, and most people feel uncomfortable around "perfect" people.
6. We don't die if we make mistakes.

Key Take Aways
I think contrasting two paths, helps illustrate the point. The fear of failure path is limiting and stressful. The make mistakes and learn path is unlimited.

If you operate under a mindset where you can't take chances or make mistakes, you limit your growth and your experiences. Additionally, you get worse at dealing with mistakes because you always try to avoid them.

If you operate under the mindset that you can make mistakes and learn, you stay in the game, grow and adapt. I think you also get better at dealing with mistakes. This can be anything from your own self-talk, to a support network, to your approaches for learning. If you keep getting knocked off your horse, but you keep getting back on, you get stronger, faster, and continue to climb. I think in life you're either climbing or sliding, and it's when you stop getting on your horse that you slide down.

My Related Posts

• 13 Negative Motivation Patterns
• 10 Distorted Thinking Patterns
• Fear of Becoming Who You Truly Are
• How To Overcome Resistance
• How Experts Make Decisions
  

Disarming Technique

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes how you can take the wind out of your nagging critic’s sails by agreeing with your critic, but making it your own decision, not theirs.

Pushy Approaches Don’t Work
Burns shares why pushy approaches don’t work:

“Your sense of paralysis will be intensified if your family and friends are in the habit of pushing and cajoling you. This nagging should statements reinforce the insulting thoughts already echoing through your head. Why is their pushy approach doomed to failure? It’s a basic law of physics that for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Any time you feel shoved, whether by
someone’s hand actually on your chest or by someone trying to boss you around, you will naturally tighten up your chest and resist so as to maintain your equilibrium and balance. You will attempt to exert your self-control and preserve your dignity by refusing to do the thing that you are being pushed to do. The paradox is that you often end up hurting yourself.”

Example Scenario for the Disarming Technique
Burns writes about Mary, a woman in her late teens, who avoid doing things because it would mean giving in to her mother:

“Supposed you are Mary, and after thinking things over you decide you would be better off if you got involved in doing a number of things. You’ve just made this decision when your mother comes into your bedroom and announces, “Don’t you lie around any longer! Your life is going down the drain. Get moving! Get involved in the things the way the other girls your age do!” At that moment, in spite of the fact that you have already decided to do just that, you develop a tremendous aversion to it!”

Using the Disarming Technique
Burns shows how to disarm the attack and avoid cutting off your nose to spite your face:

“The disarming technique is an assertive method that will solve this problem for you. The essence of the disarming technique is to agree with your mother, but to do so in a way that you remind her you are agreeing with her based on your own decision, and not because she was telling you what to do. So you might answer this way: “Yes, Mom, I just thought the situation over myself and decided it would be to my advantage to get moving on things. Because of my own decision, I’m going to do it.” Now you can start doing things and not feel bad. Or if you wish to put more of a barb in your comments, you can always say, “Yes, Mom, I have in fact decided to get out of bed in spite of the fact you’ve been telling me to!””

My Key Takeaways
I don’t think anybody likes to be told what to do. At the same time, life’s full of unsolicited advice from family, friends, teachers, colleagues, bosses, you name it. In cases where the advice is sound, but you don’t like their approach and you don’t want to give up your power to make your own decisions, the key is take ownership for your decisions. It’s ultimately a win-win because., if they really had your best intentions at heart, then they’re happy to see the results. You’re happy because it’s your decision and you made it cleat that nobody is pushing you around.

My Related Posts

• 13 Negative Motivation Patterns
• 10 Distorted Thinking Patterns
• Motivation without Coercion
• Coercion is a Deadly Enemy of Motivation
• Little Steps for Little Feet
• Little Steps for Meetings
• Little Steps for Housework
• How To Use the TIC-TOC Technique
• Learn to Endorse Yourself
• How To Use the But-Rebuttal Method
• How To Use a Pleasure-Predicting Sheet
• How To Use a Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts
• How To Use an Antiprocrastination Sheet
• How To Use a Daily Activity Schedule