Sunday, September 30, 2007

Motivation without Coercion

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes about turning rules around “musts,” “shoulds,” and “coulds” into “wants” to get and stay motivated:

“A possible source of your procrastination is an inappropriate system for self-motivation. You may inadvertently undermine what you attempt by flagellating yourself with so many “oughts,” “shoulds,” and “musts” that you end up drained of any desire to get moving. You are defeating yourself by the way you kill yourself to get moving! Dr. Albert Ellis describes this mental trap as “musterbation.”

Reformulate the way you tell yourself to do things by eliminating these coercive words from your vocabulary. An alternative to pushing yourself to get up in the morning would be to say, “it will make me feel better to get out of bed, even though it will be hard at first. Although I’m not obliged to, I might end up being glad I did. If, on the other hand, I’m really benefiting from the rest and relaxation, I may as well go ahead and enjoy it!”

Key Points
Burns drives the following points home:

  • Translate shoulds into wants.
  • Turning shoulds into wants produces a feeling of freedom of choice and personal dignity.
  • A reward system works better and lasts longer than a whip.
  • Look at things in terms of “what do I want to do? What course of action would be to my best advantage?”

Using Rules for Results
One of the keys to improving in an area of life is to raise your standards or “rules” in terms of “musts,” “shoulds,” or “coulds.” For example, getting in shape means changing from a loose set of rules around eating and exercising that aren’t working, to a more precise set of “shoulds” or “musts.” The more dramatic the results you need, the more rules you follow.

I find this a very interesting point because it walks an interesting line. I can easily see how it’s less inspiring to drive yourself with a bunch of rules. It’s one thing to be disciplined, but it’s another to have desire. I can see how you can rob your internal desire, in the name of discipline, if everything you internally see everything you do as a “should” or a “must.”

Using Wants for Feeling Good
From a results standpoint, improving in an area usually means turning “shoulds” and “coulds” into “musts” to get the results you need. From a “feeling good” standpoint, the key is to remind yourself that you want to take these actions because you want the results. I think the key here is to use a two part process of first mapping out your rules for results, then reframing them as wants over rules.

I think this has two benefits. One benefit is that you keep your feeling of freedom of choice. The second benefit is that if you fall off your horse, rather than an all-or-nothing mentality or guilt for breaking your rules, you get back on your horse.

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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Little Steps for Housework

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes about Little Steps for Little Feet, which is a technique for breaking down tasks into smaller, more manageable parts.

Housework Example
Burns includes an example applying Little Steps for Little Feet to housework:

"The wife of a political VIP spent years harboring resentment toward her husband for his successful, glamorous life. She felt her life consisted of an oppressive load of child-rearing and housecleaning. Because she was compulsive, she never felt she had enough time to complete her dreary chores. Life was a treadmill. She was straddled by depression, and had been unsuccessfully treated by a long string of famous therapists for over a decade as she looked in vain for the elusive key to personal happiness.

After consulting twice with one of my colleagues (Dr. Aaron T. Beck) , she experienced a rapid mood swing out of her depression (his therapeutic wizardry never ceases to astonish me). How did he perform his seeming miracle? Easy. He suggested to her that her depression was due in part to the fact that she wasn’t pursuing goals that were meaningful to her because she didn’t believe in herself. Instead of acknowledging and confronting her fear of taking risks, she blamed her lack of direction on her husband and complained about all the undone housework.

The first step was to decide how much time she felt she wanted to spend on the housework each day; she was to spend no more than this amount even if the house wasn’t perfect, and she was to budget the rest of the day to pursue activities that interested her. She decided that one hour of housework would be fair, and enrolled in a graduate program so she could develop her own career. This gave her a feeling of liberation. Like magic, the depression vanished along with the anger she harbored toward her husband.
"
My Key Takeaways
I like the idea of time budgets. I find that if I don’t carve out time for what’s important, it doesn’t happen. While I can’t use a timebox for everything, I find that for a lot of activities, I can set a time limit and bite off a reasonable amount of work to get done in that time. This has served me better than a “it will be done whenever it’s done” approach, which makes it too easy to bite off more than I can chew.

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Little Steps for Meetings

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes about Little Steps for Little Feet. You can use this technique in meetings to beat the boredom, defeat the distraction, and increase your ability to concentrate.

Meeting Example
Burns writes about how to apply Little Steps for Little Feet to meetings:

"Suppose your job involves attending lots of meetings, but you find it difficult to concentrate due to anxiety, depression, or daydreaming. You can’t concentrate effectively because you think, “I don’t understand this as I should. Gosh this is boring. I’d really prefer to be making love or fishing right now.”

Here’s how you can beat the boredom, defeat the distraction, and increase your ability to concentrate: Break the task down into its smallest component parts! For example, decide to listen for only three minutes, and then take a one-minute break to daydream intensely. At the end of this mental vacation, listen for another three minutes, and do not entertain any distracting thoughts for this brief period. Then give yourself another one-minute break to daydream.

This technique will enable you to maintain a more effective level of overall concentration. Giving yourself permission to dwell on distracting thoughts for short-periods will diminish their power over you. After a while, they will seem ludicrous. "

My Key Takeaways
I like the idea of using timeboxed breaks to sustain focus and concentration. I use timeboxing all the time for results, but I haven't tried deliberately interspersing day dreams in my meetings for better results!

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Monday, September 24, 2007

Little Steps for Little Feet

Do you overwhelm yourself with all the things you have to do? In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes about a technique called Little Steps for Little Feet. It's a simple method to take action by breaking any proposed task down into its tiny component parts.

Timeboxing
An extremely effective way to divide a task into manageable units is through time limitation. Decide how much time you will devote to a particular task, and then stop at the end of the allotted time, and go on to something more enjoyable, whether or not you’re finished.

Burns writes:

"Do you tend to bite off bigger pieces than you can comfortably chew? Dare to put modest time limits on what you do! Have the courage to walk away from an unfinished task! You may be amazed that you will experience a substantial increase in your productivity and mood, and your procrastination may become a thing of the past."
My Key Takeaways
I think there's two important distinctions here. One point is about breaking a task down. The other is about giving yourself a timebox to produce results. Chunking up problems is a great way to avoid an all-or-nothing approach, as well as to simplify a complex or overwhelming task. Timeboxing has multiple benefits. It's a great way to force prioritization. Because it's a limited box of time, it also forces you to be more thoughtful about what you choose to bite off. If you have a large pool of tasks, using timeboxes to chunk up the work is an effective way to make incremental progress.

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Sunday, September 23, 2007

How To Use the TIC-TOC Technique

How do you get over procrastination, when your thoughts get in the way? In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns tells how. You can use the TIC-TOC Technique. In the TIC-TOC Technique, you replace your Task-Interfering Cognitions with Task-Oriented Cognititions.

Summary of Steps

  • Step 1. Create the TIC-TOC table.
  • Step 2. Record the thoughts that inhibit motivation.
  • Step 3. Substitute more productive attitudes.

Step 1 - Create the TIC-TOC table.
To create the table for the TIC-TOC table:

  1. Draw a line down the center of a piece of paper to divide it in half.
  2. Label the left-hand column “TICs (Task-Interfering Cognitions)”
  3. Label righ-hand column “TOCs(Task-Oriented Cognitions)”

Step 2. Record the thoughts that inhibit motivation.
In the left-hand column, TICs, record the thoughts that inhibit your motivation for a specific task.

Step 3. Substitute more productive attitudes.
In the right-hand column, TOCs, identify the cognitive distortion and substitute more objective, productive attitudes.

Example TIC-TOC Technique
Burns includes an example of the TIC-TOC Technique:












































TICs (Task-Interfering Cognitions)TOCs (Task-Oriented Cognitions)
Housewife: I'll never be able to get the garage cleaned out. The junk's been piling up for years.Overgeneralization; all-or-nothing thinking. Just do a little bit and get started. There's no reason why I have to do it all today.
Bank Clerk: My work isn't very important or exciting.Disqualifying the positive. It may seem routine to me, but it's quite important to the people who use the bank. When I'm not depressed, it can be very enjoyable. Many people do routine work, but this doesn't make them unimportant human beings. Maybe I could do something more exciting in my free time.
Student: Writing this term paper is pointless. The subject is boring.All-or-nothing thinking. Just do a routine job. It doesn't have to be a masterpiece. I might learn something, and it will make me feel better to get it done.
Secretary: I'll probably flub typing this and make a bunch of typos. Then my boss will yell at me.Fortune teller error. I don't have to type perfectly. I can correct the errors. If he's overly critical, I can disarm him, or tell him I'd do better if he were more supportive and less demanding.
Politician: If I lose this race for governor, I'll be a laughing stock.Fortune teller error; labeling. It's not shameful to lose a political contest. A lot of people respect me for trying and taking an honest stand on some important issues. Unfortunately, the best man often doesn't win, but I can believe in myself whether or not I come out on top.
Insurance Salesman: What's the point in calling this guy back? He didn't sound interested.Mind reading. I have no way of knowing. Give it a try. At least he asked me to call back. Some people will be interested and I have to sift the chaff from the wheat. I can feel productive, even when someone turns me down. I'll sell one policy on the average for every five people who turn me down, so it's to my advantage to get as many turndowns as possible! The more turndowns, the more sales!
Shy Single Man: If I call up an attractive girl, she'll just dump on me, so what's the point? I'll just wait around until some girl makes it real obvious that she likes me. Then I won't have to take a risk.Fortune teller error; overgeneralization. They can't all turn me down, and it's not shameful to try. I can learn from any rejection. I've got to start practicing to improve my style, so take the big plunge! It took courage to jump off the high dive the first time, but I did it and survived. I can do this too!
Author: This chapter has to be great. But I don't feel very creative.All-or-nothing thinking. Just prepare an adequate draft. I can improve it later.
Athlete: I can't discipline myself. I have no self-control. I'll never get in shape.Disqualifying the positive; all-or-nothing thinking. I must have self-control because I've done well. Just work out for a while and call it quits if I get exhausted.

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Learn to Endorse Yourself

Do you frequently convince yourself that what you do doesn’t count? In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes the following:

"If you have this bad habit, you will naturally feel that you never do anything worthwhile. It won’t make any difference if you’re a Nobel laureate or a gardener – life will seam empty because your sour attitude will take the joy out of all your endeavors and defeat you before you even begin. No wonder you feel unmotivated! "

Self-Endorsement
To reverse this destructive tendency, Burns suggest a two step process:
  1. Identify the self-downing thoughts that cause you to feel this way in the first place.
  2. Talk back to these thoughts and replace them with ones that are more objective and self-endorsing.

Example Self-Endorsement
Burns includes an example of self-endorsement:




























Self-downing StatementSelf-endorsing Statement
Anybody could wash these dishes.If it's a routine, boring job, I deserve extra credit for doing it.
There was no point in washing these dishes. They'll just get dirty again.That's just the point. They'll be clean when we need them.
I could have done a better job straightening up.Nothing in the Universe is perect, but I did make the room look a hell of a lot better.
It was just luck the way my speech turned out.It wasn't a matter of luck. I prepared well and delivered my talk effectively. I did a darn good job.
I waxed the car, but it still doesn't look as good as my neighbor's new car.The car looks a hell of a lot better than it did. I'll enjoy driving it around.

Focus on What You've Done Over What You Haven't Gotten To
Burns writes:
"Another simple technique is to make a written or mental list of the things you do each day. Then give yourself a mental credit for each of them, however small. This will help you focus on what you have done instead of what you haven't gotten around to doing. It sounds simplistic, but it works. "

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How To Use the But-Rebuttal Method

Is your “but” getting in the way of results? Are there a lot of things you should or could be doing, but there’s always some excuse? In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated,David Burns writes that “but” may be our greatest obstacle to effective action.

Example of “But” Limiting Action
“I could go out and jog today, BUT” …

  1. I’m too tired
  2. I’m just too lazy.
  3. I’m not particularly in the mood, etc.
The But-Rebuttal Method
The good news is that Burns has a prescriptive method to counter your but arguments and take action. He calls it the But-Rebuttal Method.

Summary of Steps
  • Step 1. Create the But-Rebuttal table.
  • Step 2. Write down your but statement.
  • Step 3. Write down your but rebuttal.
  • Step 4. Continue this process until you’ve run out of excuses.

Step 1. Create the But-Rebuttal table.
To create your But-Rebuttal table:

  1. Draw a line down a sheet of paper to create two columns.
  2. Label the columns: "But Colmun", "But Rebuttal"

Step 2. Write down your but statement.
Write down your but statement for a task you need to do, but are find yourself coming up with objections.

Step 2. Write down your but rebuttal.
Write down a but rebuttal. For example, “I’ll feel more like it once I get started. “ or “When I’m done, I’ll feel terrific.”

Step 3. Continue this process until you’ve run out of excuses.
After your but rebuttal, you will likely think of another objection. Write that objection down, then fight back with a new rebuttal.

Example But-Rebuttal Method
Burns includes an example of using the But-Rebuttal Method:




























But ColumnBut Rebuttal
I really should mow the lawn, but I'm just not in the mood.I'll feel more like it once I get started. When I'm done, I'll feel terrific.
But now it's so long, it would take forever.It won't take that much extra time with the power mower. I can always do a part of it now.
But I'm too tired.So just do some of it and rest.
I'd rather rest now or watch TV.I can, but I won't feel very good about it knowing this chore is hanging over my head.
But I'm just too lazy to do it today.That can't be true -- I've done it on numerous occasions in the past.

In this scenario, it's Saturday, and you've scheduled mowing the lawn. You've procrastinated for three weeks, and it looks like a jungle. You tell yourself, "I really should, BUT I'm just on in the mood." Record this in the But column. Next you fight back by writing a rebuttal. You continue to write each next but statement and rebuttal until you run out of but statements.

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Saturday, September 22, 2007

How To Use a Pleasure-Predicting Sheet

Can you really predict just how much you'll enjoy something or not? In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes about a technique for testing your belief that there is no point in doing anything. It's a Pleasure-Predicting Sheet.

What I like most about this technique is it’s test-driven. By recording your expected pleasure against your results, you get a quick reality check of potentially self-limiting behavior or thoughts. It's one thing to think you will or won't enjoy something. It's another to take action and measure the results. Maybe some of the things you think "should" bring you pleasure, actually don't. On the other hand, maybe some of the things you think you won't enjoy as much, bring you more satisfaction than you expected.

Overview
The Pleasure-Predicting Sheet is a technique you use to record your estimated expected pleasure against your actual pleasure. You schedule a set of activities that contain a potential for personal growth or satisfaction. You do some of them by yourself and some with others. You predict your pleasure before the activities, and then record the actual results, after the events.

Summary of Steps

  • Step 1. Create the Pleasure Predicting Sheet.
  • Step 2. Write down your pleasure activities.
  • Step 3. Predict your satisfaction.
  • Step 4. Record your actual satisfaction.

Step 1. Create the Pleasure Predicting Sheet.
To create the Pleasure Predicting Sheet:

  1. Draw four lines down the center of a piece of paper to divide it into five columns.
  2. Label the columns: Data, Activity for Satisfaction, Who You Did This With, Predicted Satisfaction (0-100%), Actual Satisfaction(0-100%)

Step 2. Write down your pleasure activities.
Write down the activities, the date, and who you will do them with. If alone, then specify self.

Step 3. Predict your satisfaction.
Write down your prediction of how much satisfaction you’ll get on a scale from 0 to 100%.

Step 4. Record your actual satisfaction.
After you perform the activities, write down your actual satisfaction.

Example Pleasure-Predicting Sheet
Burns include an example Pleasure-Predicting Sheet:





























































































































DateActivity for SatisfactionWho You Did This WithPredicted Satisfaction(0-100%)Actual Satisfaction(0-100%)
8/2/99Reading (1 hour)self50%60%
8/3/99Dinner + bar w/BenBen80%90%
8/4/99Susan's partyself80%85%
8/5/99N.Y.C. and Aunt Helenparents and grandma40%30%
8/5/99Nancy's HouseNancy and Joelle75%65%
8/6/99Dinner at Nancy's12 people60%80%
9/6/99Lucy's partyLucy + 5 people70%70%
8/7/99Joggingself60%90%
8/8/99TheaterLuci80%70%
8/9/99Harry'sHarry, Jack, Ben and Jim60%85%
8/10/99Joggingself70%80%
8/10/99Phillies game.Dad50%70%
8/11/99Dinner.Susan and Ben70%70%
8/12/99Art museumself60%70%
8/12/99Peabody'sFred80%85%
8/13/99Joggingself70%80%

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How To Use a Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated,David Burns write about a technique to help you take action and overcome what he calls "doing nothingism." What I like about this technique is you intercept your automatic thoughts and challenge your thinking.

Overview
The Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts is a technique to use when you’re overwhelmed by the urge to do nothing.

Summary of Steps

  • Step 1. Create the Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts Table
  • Step 2. Write down the situation or task.
  • Step 3. Write down your thoughts.
  • Step 4. Write down rational responses.

Step 1. Create the Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts Table
To create the Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts Table:

  1. Draw five lines down a piece of paper. This will divide the sheet into 6 columns.
    Label the columns: Date, Situation, Emotions, Automatic Thoughts, Rational Responses, Outcomes
  2. Step 2. Write down the situation or task.
    Write down the situation or task.

Step 3. Write down your thoughts.
Write down the thoughts that run through your mind when you think about the particular task or situation.

Step 4. Write down rational responses.
Write down appropriate rational responses that show these thoughts are unrealistic.

Example Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts
Burns include an example of a Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts:














































DateSituationEmotionsAutomatic ThoughtsRational ResponsesOutcome
7/15/99I stayed in bed all day Sunday - slept off and on - no desire or energy to get up or do anything productive.Depressed; Exhausted; Guilty; Self-Hatred; LonelyI have no desire to do anything.That's because I'm doing nothing. Remember motivation follows action!Felt some relief and decided to get up and take a shower at least.
---I don't have the energy to get out of bed.I can get out of bed; I'm not crippled.-
---I'm a failure as a person.I do succeed at things when I want to. Doing nothing makes me depressed and bored but it doesn't mean I'm "a failure as a person" because there is no such thing!-
---I have no real interests.I do have interests but not when I'm doing nothing. If I get started at something, I'll probably get more interested.-

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Sunday, September 16, 2007

How To Use an Antiprocrastination Sheet

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes about The Antiprocrastination Sheet technique. This technique is for activity that you’ve been avoiding because you think it will be difficult and unrewarding. You use it to test your negative assumptions and find out how accurate or off-base your negative expectations really are.

Summary of Steps

  • Step 1 - Create the Antiprocrastination Sheet.
  • Step 2 - List your tasks.
  • Step 3 – List your predicted difficulty and predicted satisfaction.
  • Step 4 – List your actual difficulty and actual satisfaction.

Step 1 - Create the Antiprocrastination Sheet.
To create the Antiprocrastination sheet:

  1. Draw five lines down a piece of paper. This will divide the sheet into 6 columns.
  2. Label the columns: Date, Activity, Predicted Difficulty (0-100%), Predicted Satisfaction (0-100%), Actual Difficulty (0-100%), Actual Satisfaction (0-100%) See the example below.

Step 2 - List your tasks.
In the Activity column, break the activity down into small steps (chunk it up.)

Step 3 - List your predicted difficulty and predicted satisfaction.
Write your predictions down using a 0- to- 100 percent scale, how difficult and rewarding each step would be.

Step 4 – List your actual difficulty and actual satisfaction.
After completing each step, write down how difficult and rewarding it actually was.

Example Antiprocrastination Sheet
Burns includes an example of an Antiprocrastination Sheet:












































DateStepsPredicted Difficulty(0-100%)Predicted Satisfaction(0-100%)Actual Difficulty(0-100%)Actual Satisfaction(0-100%)
6/10/991. Outline letter.90101060
-2. Write rough draft90101075
-3. Type up final draft.7510580
-4. Address the envelope and mail the letter.505095

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Sunday, September 9, 2007

How To Use a Daily Activity Schedule

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes about a simple, but effective technique to help you get organized against lethargy and apathy. By scheduling your day and comparing results, you become aware of how you spend your time. This helps you take charge of your life. Burns notes that this technique is particularly helpful for weekend / holiday blues.

Summary of Steps

  • Step 1 - Create the Daily Activity Schedule table.
  • Step 2 - Fill out the Prospective column..
  • Step 3 – Fill out the Retrospective column.

Step 1 - Create the Daily Activity Schedule table.
To create the table for the Daily Activity Schedule:

  1. Draw two lines down the center of a piece of paper to divide it into thirds.
  2. Label the left-hand column “Time.”
  3. Label the middle column “Prospective”
  4. Label the right-hand column “Retrospective”

Step 2 – Fill out the Prospective column.
In this step, you list your activities. In the prospective column, write out an hour-by-hour plan for what you would like to accomplish. Your plans don’t need to be elaborate. Just put one to two words in each time slot to indicate what you’d like to do, such as “dress,” “each lunch”, “prepare resume” … etc. It should not take more than five minutes to do this.

Step 3 – Fill out the Retrospective column.
In this step, you compare your results. At the end of the day, fill out the retrospective column.

  1. Write down your actual activities. Record in each time slot, what you actually did during the day. This may be the same as or different from what you actually planned: nevertheless, even if it was just starting at the wall, write it down.
  2. Label each activity with an M for Mastery or a P for Pleasure. Mastery activities are those which represent some accomplishment, such as brushing your teeth, cooking dinner, driving to work, etc. Pleasure might include reading a book, eating, going to a movie … etc.
  3. Rate each activity with a 0 to 5 rating. For the Mastery activities, estimate the degree of difficulty in performing the task. 0 is easy where 5 is very challenging. For example, you could give yourself an M-1 for an easy task like getting dressed, while M-4 or M-5 would indicate you did something more challenging, such as not eating too much or applying for a job. Estimate the actual pleasure or the degree of difficulty of a task. For the Pleasure activities, 0 is no pleasure while 5 is very pleasurable.

Example Daily Activity Schedule
Burns includes an example of the Daily Activity Schedule technique:















































































TimeProspectiveRetrospective
8-9--
9-10--
10-11--
11-12--
12-1--
1-2--
2-3--
3-4--
4-5--
5-6--
6-7--
7-8--
8-9--
9-12--

Why Does the Daily Activity Schedule Work

  1. It undercuts the tendency to obsess about the value of various activities and to debate counterproductively about whether or not to do something.
  2. Accomplishing even part of your schedule will in all probability give you some satisfaction.
  3. You can develop a balanced program that provides pleasurable leisure activities as well as work. If you feel blue, add more fun in your schedule.

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Lethargy Cycle

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, Dr. David Burns writes about the cycle of motivational paralysis.

The Lethargy Cycle
According to Dr. Burns, lethargy is a cycle:

  • Your self-defeating negative thoughts make you feel miserable.
  • Your painful emotions in turn convince you that you distorted, pessimistic thoughts are actually valid.
  • Similarly, self-defeating thoughts and actions reinforce each other in a circular manner.
  • The unpleasant consequences of do-nothingism make your problems even worse.

Take Action to Break the Lethargy Cycle
According to Dr. Burns, the key to breaking the lethargy cycle is taking action.

Key Take Aways
Here's my key take aways:

  • Lethargy is a cycle
  • The lethargy cycle feeds itself in a downward spiral
  • You break the lethargy cycle by taking action.

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Saturday, September 8, 2007

Use Meaningful Activity to Brighten Your Mood

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes that taking action is the way to break a negative mood:

“Do you know why virtually any meaningful activity has a decent chance of brightening your mood? If you do nothing, you will become preoccupied with the flood of negative, destructive thoughts. If you do something, you will be temporarily distracted from that internal dialogue of self denigration. What is even more important, the sense of mastery you will experience will disprove many of the distorted thoughts that slowed you down in the first place.”

It sounds like the last thing to do, when you’re not in a good mood, is do nothing. I agree. I think it’s easy to fall into a trap of analysis paralysis or wallow in misery. I think the most powerful way to quickly change your state or mood is to do something physical. Changing what your body is doing is a good way to change what your mind is thinking and what you're feeling.

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Process Over Product Orientation

You can control your approach, but you can't necessarily control the outcome.  People that measure their success only by their results, can end up feeling defeated.  Instead, the most successful people actually measure their success by asking themselves whether they did their personal best.  They focus on the process, not on the result.  In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes about focusing on your approach over focusing on you results.

Approach Over Results
Burns writes:

A second mind-set that contributes to the fear of defeat is when you evaluate your performance exclusively on the outcome regardless of your individual effort. This is illogical and reflects a “product orientation” rather than a “process orientation.

You Control Your Approach, Not the Outcome
Burns shares an example of how he applies this concept to his everyday work:

Let me explain this with a personal example. As a psychotherapist I can control only what I say and how I interact with each patient. I cannot control how any particular patient will respond to my efforts during a given therapy session.

What You Say and How You Interact is the Process
According to Burns, what you say and how you interact is the process:

What I say and how I interact is the process; how each individual reacts is the product. In any given day, several patients will report that they have benefited greatly from that day’s session, while a couple others will tell me that their session was not particularly helpful.

Don't Ride an Emotional Roller-Coaster
Don't ride an emotional roller-coaster.  Focus on your approach, not the results.  Burns writes:

If I evaluate my work exclusively on the outcome or product, I would experience a sense of exhilaration whenever a patient did well, and feel defeated and defective whenever a patient reacted negatively. This would make my emotional life a roller-coaster, and my self-esteem would go up and down in an exhausting and unpredictable manner all day long. But if I admit to myself that all I can control is the input I provide in the therapeutic process, I can pride myself on good consistent work regardless of the outcome of any particular session.

Evaluate Your Work Based on the Process
Burns writes that when I figured out to focus on the process versus the results, it was a great personal victory:

It was a great personal victory when I learned to evaluate my work based on the process rather than the product. If a patient gives me a negative report, I try to learn from it. If I did make an error, I attempt to correct it, but I don’t need to jump out the window.”

John Wooden Example
I think this is a really important concept. There’s a lot of variables in life and you can’t always control the results, What you can control is your approach.

John Wooden, a famous basketball coach, applied this concept. He coached his team to focus on doing their personal best. He also coached his team to never get overly emotional whether they won or lost.

The point was if they didn’t play their personal best, but they won… did they really win? … and, if they did play their personal best, but they lost, … did they really lose? Rather than focus on the scoreboard, he focused on continuous, personal improvement.

Key Take Aways
Here's my key take aways:

  • You can't control everything.
  • You can control your approach.
  • Focus on your approach, not your results.
  • Focusing on your approach, helps you avoid an emotional roller-coaster.

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Low Frustration Tolerance

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes the following about low frustration toleration:

“You assume that you should be able to solve your problems and reach your goals rapidly and easily, so you go into a frenzied state of panic and rage when life presents you with obstacles. Rather than persist patiently over a period of time, you may retaliate against the “unfairness” of it all when things get tough, so you give up completely.

I also call this the “entitlement syndrome” because you feel and act as if you were entitled to success, love, approval, perfect health, happiness, etc. Your frustration results from your habit of comparing reality with an ideal in your head. When the two don’t match, you condemn reality. It doesn’t occur to you that it may be infinitely easier to change your expectations rather than to bend and twist reality.”

My big take away here is that your day-to-day frustration depends on your tolerance level. The more you can tolerate the less frustration you will feel.
I think the key here is resetting your expectations and using selective intolerance. If there’s certain things you can’t change, you’re better off resetting your expectations. For things that you want to improve, you can lower your tolerance. In raising your standards though, and setting more rules, it’s important to know that frustration comes with the territory. The trick is to then turn that frustration into motivation, action, and results.

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Additional Resources

Coercion is a Deadly Enemy of Motivation

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes that using coercion takes away motivation:

“A deadly enemy of motivation is a sense of coercion. You feel under intense ressure to perform – generated from within and without. This happens when you try to motivate yourself with moralistic “shoulds” and “oughts.” You tell yourself , “I should do this” and “I have to do that.” Then you feel obliged, burdened, tense, resentful and guilty. You feel like a delinquent child under the discipline of a tyrannical probation officer. Every task becomes colored with such unpleasantness that you can’t stand to face it. Then, as you procrastinate, you condemn yourself as a lazy, no-good bum. This further drains your energies.”
It’s a subtle but important distinction between being driven by shoulds and oughts versus driving for the results you want. I think the key point here is to focus on your freedom to make choices and take actions. What you should or ought to do are inputs, but ultimately you choose to do what you do. Rather than tell yourself “I’m doing this because I should,” say “I’m doing this because I choose to” and focus on the benefits you’re moving towards, or the pain you’re moving away from.

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Monday, September 3, 2007

Secrets of Self-Esteem

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns shares some insights about self-esteem:

  • A depressed self-image can be characterized by the four D’s: You feel
    Defeated, Defective, Deserted, and Deprived.
  • Almost all negative emotional reactions inflict their damage only as a
    result of low self-esteem.
  • A poor self-image is the magnifying glass that can transform a trivial
    mistake or an imperfection into an overwhelming symbol of personal defeat.
  • The more depressed and miserable you feel, the more twisted your
    thinking becomes.
  • Conversely, in the absence of mental distortion, you cannot experience
    low self-worth.
    You cannot earn worth through what you do. Self-worth based
    on accomplishments is not the genuine thing.
  • You can’t base a sense of self-worth on your looks, talent, fame or
    fortune.

Re-evaluate a Negative Self-Image
Burns writes:

“One of the cardinal features of cognitive therapy is that it stubbornly refuses to buy into your sense of worthlessness. In my practice, I lead my patients through a systematic re-evaluation of their negative self-image. I raise the same question over and over again: “Are you really right when you insist that somewhere inside you are essentially a loser?”
The first step is to take a close look at what you say about yourself when you insist you are no good. The evidence you present in defense of your worthlessness will usually, if not always, make no sense.”

See 10 Distorted Thinking Patterns to see if any of the distorted thinking patterns are impacting your self-image. Some examples are all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, and labeling.

Turn Off That Inner Critic
Burns writes:

“Just as your feelings do not determine your worth, neither do your thoughts or behaviors. Some may be positive, creative, and enhancing; the great majority are neutral. Others may be irrational, self-defeating, and maladaptive. These can be modified if you are willing to exert the effort, but they certainly do not and cannot mean that you are no good. There is no such thing in this universe as a worthless human being.
“Then how can I develop a sense of self-esteem?” you may ask. The answer is – you don’t have to! You don’t have to do anything especially worthy to create or deserve self-esteem; all you have to do is turn off that critical, haranguing, inner voice. Why? Because that inner critical voice is wrong!”

See How To: Use the Triple Column Technique for an effective way to turn your inner critic from a critic to a coach.

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How To: Boost Self Esteem

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes about three techniques to improve your self esteem.

Summary of Steps

  • Step 1. Talk back to that internal critic.
  • Step 2. Use Mental biofeedback.
  • Step 3. Cope don't mope.

Step 1 - Talk Back to That Internal Critic.
In this step, you retrain your brain to act as a coach versus a critic.

Burns writes:

“A sense of self-worthlessness is created by your internal self-critical dialogue. In order to overcome this bad mental habit, three steps are necessary.

  1. Train yourself to recognize and write down the self-critical thoughts as they go through your mind.
  2. Learn why these thoughts are distorted.
  3. Practice talking back to them so at to develop a more realistic self-evaluation system.”

For an effective technique for talking back to your internal critic, see How To: Use the Three Column Technique.

Step 2- Use mental biofeedback.
In this step, you keep track of your negative thoughts. By tracking your negative thoughts, you reduces the negative thoughts over time.
Burns writes:

“A second method which can be very useful involves monitoring your negative thoughts with a wrist counter. You can buy one at a sporting-goods store or a golf shop; it looks like a wristwatch , is inexpensive, and every time you push the button, the number changes on the dial. Click the button each time a negative thought about yourself crosses your mind; be on the constant alert for such thoughts. At the end of each day, not your daily total score and write it down in a log book.
At first you will notice the number increase ; this will continue for several days as you get better and better at identifying your critical thoughts. Soon you will begin to notice that the daily total reaches a plateau for a week to ten days, and then it will begin to go down. This indicates that your harmful thoughts are diminishing and that you are getting better. This approach usually requires three weeks.”

Step 3 - Cope don't mope.
Rather than mope or use self-destructive labels, attack the problem. To attack the problem:

  1. Define the problem.
  2. Break it down into specific parts.
  3. Apply appropriate solutions.

The key in this step is taking action, producing results, evaluating your results objectively. You continue to change your approach if you’re not getting the results you need.

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How To: Use the Triple Column Technique

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns writes about a method for developing a more effective self-evaluation system.

Overview
The Triple Column Technique is a proven practice for improving internal self-critical dialogue. The approach includes three main parts:

  1. Training yourself to write down critical thoughts that run through your mind.
  2. Learn why these thoughts are distorted.
  3. Practice talking back to them to develop a more realistic self-evaluation system.

Summary of Steps

  • Step 1 - Create the Triple Column Technique table.
  • Step 2 - List your self-criticism.
  • Step 3 - Identify cognitive distortions.
  • Step 4 - Identify rational thoughts.

Step 1 - Create the Triple Column Technique table
To create the table for the Triple Column Technique:

  1. Draw two lines down the center of a piece of paper to divide it into thirds.
  2. Label the left-hand column “Automatic Thoughts (Self-cricitism)
  3. Label the middle column “Cognitive Distortion”
  4. Label the right-hand column “ Rational Response (Self-defense)”

Step 2. List your self-criticism.
In the left-hand column, write down all the hurtful self-criticisms you make when you are feeling worthless and down on yourself.

Step 3 – Identify cognitive distortions.
In the middle column, write down the cognitive distortions. Using the list of 10 Distorted Thinking Patterns , see if you can identify the thinking errors in each of your automatic negative thoughts. The 10 Distorted Thiking Patterns are:

  • All-or-nothing thinking
  • Overgeneralization
  • Mental filter
  • Disqualifying the positive
  • Jumping to conclusions (Mind reading, fortunate teller error)
  • Magnification or Minimization
  • Emotional reasoning
  • Should statements,
  • Labeling and Mislabeling,
  • Personalization.

Step 4 – Identify rational thoughts.
Substitute a more rationale, less upsetting thought in the right-hand column. Don't try to cheer yourself up by rationalizaing or saying things you don't objectively believe are valid. Instead, try to find a more objective fact. Your response can take into account what was illogical or erroneous about your self-critical automatic thought.


Example Triple Column Technique
Burns includes an example of a Triple Column Technique:







































Automatic ThoughtCognitive DistortionRational Response
(Self-Criticism)(Self-Defense)
I never do anything right.OvergeneralizationNonsense! I do a lot of things right.
I'm always late.OvergeneralizationI'm not always late. That's ridiculous. Think of all the times I've been on time. If I'm late more often than I'd like, I'll work on this problem and develop a method for being more punctual.
Everyone will look down on me.Mind reading;
Overgeneralization;
All or nothing thinking;
Fortune teller error
Someone may be disappointed that I'm late, but it's not the end of the world. Maybe the meeting won't even start on time.
This shows what a jerk I am.LabelingCome on, now, I'm not a "jerk."
I'll make a fool of myself.Labeling; Fortune teller error Ditto. I'm not a "fool" either. I may appear foolish if I come in late, but this doesn't make me a fool. Everyone is late sometimes.

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Saturday, September 1, 2007

13 Negative Motivation Patterns

How do you get your motivation back?  You need to first know the negative thought patterns that take away your motivation. In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, David Burns identifies thirteen negative motivation patterns.

Thirteen Negative Motivation Patterns
According to Burns, there's 13 procrastination and do-nothingism mindsets:

  • Hopelessness
  • Helplessness
  • Overwhelming Yourself
  • Jumping to Conclusions
  • Self-labeling
  • Undervaluing the Rewards
  • Perfectionism
  • Fear of Failure
  • Fear of Success
  • Fear of Disapproval or Criticism
  • Coercion and Resentment
  • Low Frustration Tolerance
  • Guilt and Self-blame

Thirteen Negative Motivation Patterns Explained
Burns explained the following 13 procrastination and do-nothingism mindsets as follows:

  • Hopelessness – Any activity will seem pointless because you are absolutely certain your lack of motivation and sense of oppression are unending and irreversible.
  • Helplessness – You can’t possibly do anything to make yourself feel better because you are convinced that your moods are caused by factors beyond your control, such as fate, hormone cycles, dietary factors, luck, and other people’s evaluations of you.
  • Overwhelming Yourself – You may magnify a task to the degree that it seems impossible to tackle. You may assume you must do everything at once instead of breaking each job down into small, discrete, manageable units which you can complete one step at a time. You might inadvertently distract yourself from the task at hand by obsessing about endless other things you haven’t gotten around to doing yet.
  • Jumping to Conclusions – You sense that it’s not within your power to take effective action that will result in satisfaction because you are in the habit of saying, “I can’t,” or “I would but …”
  • Self-labeling – The more you procrastinate, the more you condemn yourself as inferior. The problem is compounded when you label yourself as “a procrastinator” or “a lazy person.”This causes you to see your lack of effective action as the “real you” so that you automatically expect little or nothing from yourself.
  • Undervaluing the Rewards - You feel the reward simply wouldn’t be worth the effort.
  • Perfectionism – You defeat yourself with inappropriate goals and standards.
  • Fear of Failure – Because you imagine that putting in the effort and not succeeding would be an overwhelming personal defeat, you refuse to try at all. Several thinking errors are involved in the fear of failure. One of the most common is overgeneralization. You reason, “If I fail at this, it means I will fail at anything.” This of course is impossible. Nobody can fail at everything. A second mind-set that contributes to the fear of defeat is when you evaluate your performance exclusively on the outcome regardless of your individual effort. This is illogical and reflects a “product orientation” rather than a “process orientation.”
  • Fear of Success – Because of your lack of confidence, success may seem even more risky than failure because you are certain is it based on chance. You may also fear success because you anticipate people will make even greater demands on you. Because you are convinced you must or can’t meet their expectations, success would put you into a dangerous and impossible situation. Therefore, you try to maintain control by avoiding any commitment or
    involvement.
  • Fear of Disapproval or Criticism - You imagine that if you try something new, any mistake or flub will be met with strong disapproval or criticism because the people you care about won’t accept you if you are human and imperfect. The risk of rejection seems so dangerous that to protect yourself you adopt as low a profile as possible. If you don’t make any effort, you can’t goof up.
  • Coercion and Resentment - A deadly enemy of motivation is a sense of coercion. You feel under intense pressure to perform – generated from within and without. This happens when you try to motivate yourself with moralistic “shoulds” and “oughts.” You tell yourself , “I should do this” and “I have to do that.” Then you feel obliged, burdened, tense, resentful and guilty. You feel like a delinquent child under the discipline of a tyrannical probation officer. Every task becomes colored with such unpleasantness that you can’t stand to face it. Then, as you procrastinate, you condemn yourself as a lazy,
    no-good bum. This further drains your energies.
  • Low Frustration Tolerance - Your frustration results from your habit of comparing reality with an ideal in your head. When the two don’t match, you condemn reality. It doesn’t occur to you that it may be infinitely easier to change your expectations rather than to bend and twist reality.
  • Guilt and Self-blame - If you are frozen in the conviction that you are bad or have let others down, you will naturally feel unmotivated to pursue your daily life.

Key Take Aways
I think motivation is an important part of daily life. Knowing the set of negative motivation patterns can help you identify counter-productive self-talk that can get in the way of taking action. Here's my key take aways:

  • Add a buffer for tolerance in your day to day.  Rather than get frustrated when things go wrong, ask how yourself how you might avoid it next time.  For example, if you're always late because you get stuck in traffic, leave earlier.  When things go wrong, learn from them, but don't get frustrated.
  • Test your assumptions.  Don't talk yourself out of everything.  Prove it with action, and many times you'll be pleasantly surprised.
  • Start with something simple.  Don't bite off more than you can chew.  It's better to leap over small hurdles, than build a giant wall in front of yourself.
  • Change your self-talk.  You can beat yourself up, or you can lift yourself up.  Turn mistakes into lessons and carry forward lessons learned.  

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